The Cookie Monster is cutting back on cookies. It's not really that big a deal...I mean, all these obese munchkins could stand to lose a pound or twenty, right? And if kids can't trust a big fuzzy blue monster, then who can they trust? It's especially minor when you consider the other Sesame Street atrocities that have happened over the years. Snuffleuphagus (or however the hell you spell his imaginary name) appeared to everyone on Sesame Street, which terrified millions of kids into thinking that their imaginary friends would actually become real. The Grouch got a little nicer. Or maybe we just got a little meaner. And last, the move-in that changed the neighborhood forever: Elmo replaced Grover. It was bound to happen - Grover was this weird monster who was afraid of monsters, and was actually funny. We definitely don't want our kids to grow up to be cowardly class clown weirdos, do we? It's better to have them grow into cute, tickly, giggly, tap-dancing things that think they've got their own world.
On top of all that, last year, the grubby hands of politics snatched Put Down the Duckie (mp3) and cast it into the presidential campaign, when the political right told Kerry he needs to cast aside his childish views if he wants to graduate from the sandbox to the Oval Office. Looky here. Henson not only turned in his grave, he started kicking on the lid. How dare politicians bring Muppets into the campaign? And what are these republicans doing watching public TV, anyway - who let them behind the curtain?
Luckily, when I was a kid, I got the real stuff.
Like this lesson on materialism, from the trustworthy Alligator King (avi) (mp3). Emerson would take half a day to communicate the same message.
And what the hell. While I'm at it, here's Kermit singing Rainbow Connection (mp3).
I won't dwell on Evil Ernie, Ernie bin Laden, or the diversity that Ernie and Bert gives to Sesame Street. I will say that if they really were gay, don't you think they would have had the unibrows waxed?