Friday, March 18, 2005

Man Seeking 1/2 Woman, 1/2 Snake, for Non-Sexual Riding

The personal ad of the week, courtesy of the always-reliable Washington City Paper:

1/2 woman, 1/2 snake
My biggest fantasy is meeting a woman who is 1/2 human, 1/2 snake. I've always wanted to ride them (non-sexually), because I've heard the ride is smooth and comfortable. I can provide a saddle, and the perfect midnitht riding point. Rattlesnake tails create great salsa music, and thus are preferred. Serious inquiries only please.

More juicy little snakebites from this ad:

I wouldn't sell your mom for a billion dollars.

The quickest way to my heart is through my stomach The quickest way to my bed is through my wang and in the morning, I like my eggs cooked .

Something I said I'd never do but did anyway was have sex with a barnyard animal.

For me, the glass is usually empty. Totally. Fucking. Empty.

If I were president I'd make sodomy legal and conventional sex illegal.

I slaughtered a small nation on Valentine's Day.

I drink a shitload more than I should on my birthday.

When a friend brings up a politics, I usually tell them to shut up

If I get cat-called walking down the street I usually slap my ass


Arethusa said...

I have to get his number.

Canowine said...

Are you half serpent?

Arethusa said...


No. :( Do you think I still have a chance with this debonaire gentleman?

Canowine said...

Maybe. It sounds to me as though he could be a powerful Warlock with his very own dungeon, and if he wanted to, could turn you into a snake from the waist down if he rolls his twenty-sided die right.

But that would be a tragedy, wouldn't it. You would never dance again, and your ass would be transformed into a mere anus.

The Keoki said...

In the words of Homer Simpson....MMMMMMMMM Pig Anus.