Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The Weekly Poo: Jamie Walters

Nearly every day, I have to listen to this guy Randy urging me to bring back the weekly Shittiest Shit Ever Shat feature. So today I resurrect the poo.

Jamie Walters: Teen Idol 4-Eva!

If you browse your local record store's Teen Idols Bargain Bin, you might come across a Jamie Walters CD. Today's poo, How Do You Talk to an Angel (mp3), is from the soundtrack to The Depths. I mean The Heights. Jamie Walters was clearly influenced by Richard Marx. You can hear it in the please-shoot-me-now lyrics, the musak sax, and the guitar licks that you hear the-guy-who-still-sports-a-rattail playing in Guitar Center. I'd say he's just a notch below the Marx-man, and maybe just a notch above Don Johnson. Yes, I'd say he's nestled comfortably between the two. Picture that, Gay Men Of The World Who Are Stuck In The 80's.

Speaking of rattails, the one thing he has going for him is his uncanny resemblance to everyone's favorite Padawan, Anakin Skywalker, played by Hayden Christensen. I only mention Hayden because acting-wise, he's just a notch below Jamie Walters.

How Do I Talk to a Padme? Not very well, if you ask Anthony Lane.

Anyway, back to Jamie Walters. Where has he gone? Perhaps he, like many before him, has taken a sabbatical to ponder the meaning of that unnatural space between Tori Spelling's boobs, as they existed when he was on Beverly Hills, 90210.

Tori's terrain features.

P.S. Don't come looking for me when you find yourself humming this tune this afternoon.

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