U.S. Army division:
The chicken was not authorized to cross the road without two forms of picture identification. Thus, the chicken was appropriately detained and searched in accordance with [standard operating procedures]. We apologize for any embarrassment to the chicken.
U.S. Air Force:
In the last seven days the USAF has cargo-lifted 732,361 chickens across 852 roads.
The chicken is a tool of the evil coalition and will be killed.
U.S. Marine Corps:
The chicken is dead.
Other Answers here, in Tom Ricks's Inbox.