Saturday, September 11, 2004

The Slacker's Bible

"Bonjour paresse," French for "Hello Laziness," is an essay-pamphlet, an "ephlet," that gives the disillusioned, disgruntled, and utterly unmotivated tips on succeeding, or at least avoiding getting fired, in the in-between world that is middle management. Story here. Subtitled "The Art and the Importance of Doing the Least Possible in the Workplace," it includes the "10 Commandments for the Idle." Commandments 1 - 5:
No. 1 You are a modern day slave. There is no scope for personal fulfilment. You work for your pay-check at the end of the month, full stop.
No. 2 It's pointless to try to change the system. Opposing it simply makes it stronger.
No. 3 What you do is pointless. You can be replaced from one day to the next by any cretin sitting next to you. So work as little as possible and spend time (not too much, if you can help it) cultivating your personal network so that you're untouchable when the next restructuring comes around.
No. 4 You're not judged on merit, but on whether you look and sound the part. Speak lots of leaden jargon: people will suspect you have an inside track
No. 5 Never accept a position of responsibility for any reason. You'll only have to work harder for what amounts to peanuts.

And from the MSNBC news article:
You sit next to idiots, loathe office bonhomie and crave escape. You're half- crazy with boredom, pretend to work when you hear footsteps and kill time by taking newspapers into the washrooms. Your career is blocked, your job is at risk and the most ineffective people get promoted to where they can do least harm: management. You recoil at jargon, consider the expression 'business culture' an oxymoron and wish you had the guts to resign. If this is you, help is at hand.

Coming soon to the self-help/inspiration aisle at a bookstore near you.


SugarDuck said...

This is a Scott Adams ripoff! Read any of the Dilbert books (Dogbert's Guide to Management, The Dilbert Future). He's already covered this.

Canowine said...

Yes, Dilbert was first. Or as the French call him, "Deel-bear." But the French can't respect, and therefore, can't take advice from someone who dresses so...without flair. Right?