Friday, May 13, 2005

The Keoki's Bargain Bin Vol I

So we here at The Smudge like to bring you content.....massive amounts of content! Cano usually does the trick in that department with the copious amounts of mp3s he sends out. But now we're going to have some regular content, stuff that you can set a really slow watch to. Possibly a sundial even. Anywho, yesterday you got The Shittiest Shit and today you get The Bargain Bin. The idea behind the Bin is to hopefully make you go out and rent a horrible movie or perhaps an overlooked movie or ,even better, a movie that you have forgotten about and really liked but haven't layed eyes on in some time. So with that in mind here's The Keoki's Bargin Bin!

Let's start by having you read this story, which imagines the world of the furture possibly ruled by GIANT RATS!!! I honestly thought I was reading The Onion's front page instead MSNBC, but there it was "Giant rats may inherit the Earth." WOW! Now that's a future that sci-fi dorks can sign on for. So I got to thinking and reminiscing about the '50s craze of giant and mutated monster movies. There were sooooo many of them.....in fact THEM! was one of them. There was a series of B-movie fare that all included an Atomic blast of some sort or som sort of radioactive goo. That was the prevalent fear at the time....a mushroom cloud on the horizon and then your dog would be the size of a house. Damn you RUSSIA! Well you get the picture. So my first pick from the Bargin Bin is a little known treasure called "Empire Of The Ants" which came out much later than the '50s and actually hit during a renewed interest in giant animal movies like in the '70s. First of all there's nothing like poorly done sci-fi to brighten your day. And this is like Supernova bright! I think the ants are big because of industrial waste or something to the effect, it really doesn't matter. Why doesn't it matter....Because Joan Collins is in the movie dammit!!! This is pre-Dynasty and she truly shines, like a whore in a cheap sequined dress!!! (Confession: I watched Dynasty as a young man purely to see Joan Collins strut her bitchiness in all her shoulder padded glory. I'm not proud, but it's nice to get that off my chest.) So lets bring it all together....Giant Ants, Joan Collins, really really bad sci-fi....and you get The Keoki's very first Bargin Pick of the week!!! Cue the Lalo Schifrin music, cue the gong! I'm done.

6 comments:

SugarDuck said...

I think I actually saw the ant movie on tv once! unless it was a different cheap ant horror movie. The way I remember it, the special effects were closeup shots of obviously regular ants going about their business. Then cut to the actors looking up and screaming.

The Keoki said...

Yes, exactly! Pretty fantastic huh?

Arethusa said...

I've seen an ant movie too, on tv once, with my aunt (who would watch just about anything, and had control of the tv remote). I can't remember if it was this one or not, but surely having actually seen an ant movie, I have reached my quota.

The Keoki said...

I don't think the quota is met until said ant movie has Joan Collins is in it. I have met my ant movie quota....you have not.

Arethusa said...

I don't think that's fair. It probably had Joan Collins! How many ant movies can there be?

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