"Hello, Washington! I Am The _ Keoki And I Am A Frightened Little Girl!"
The Hives called me on the 20th day of June in the 2004th year of our Lord and I didn't take the call. Instead of going to what proved to be an earthshattering, earsplitting, jizzspewing raucous party of a rock show, I stayed home and watched Extreme Makeover. Okay wait, before you run to the bathroom to wash the bile out of your mouth, hear me out. I'm proving to be not a city person. In my life I had never lived in anywhere near a big city until I got here. The news has informed me nightly that I am not safe in the District, and I believe them. That's all I could think of on Tuesday night. In one hand I had the opportunity to witness the spectacle that is the The Hives, My New Favourite Band (i know they're my new favourite band because they told me so!!!), and in the other hand I had the opportunity to get carjacked, wallet jacked, pocket jacked and all kinds of other jacked that might not be appropriate to BLOG. My mind ran with the possibilities and I sat at home paralyzed with the kind of fear and loathing that I thought only Hunter S. Thompson could experience spiked on some sort of hallucinogen. Is this post a sermon on the hell of Urban Living, or the irresponsibility of the Media, or is it just proof that I, The_Keoki, is a Suburbanite through and through? I don't know, to tell you the truth. I guess it's up The Hives to tell, because and as we all know We Are The Crime And The Hives Are The LAW!!!